I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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