I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
