Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
