I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
