May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
