I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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