I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
