there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
