At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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