I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
