Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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