How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
