Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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