so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
