There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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