Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
