Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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