One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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