it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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