I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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