why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
