dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
