You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Someone signed my nipple.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
