I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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