You just made me feel so damn special
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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