Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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