You just made me feel so damn special
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
