There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
