You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
your room smells of hookers.
And success
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
