He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
