i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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