Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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