3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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