i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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