Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I supernannyed him into submission
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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