yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
