Christians are straight up FREAKS
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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