I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize