i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
