The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
