Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
