he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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