we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
