I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
