He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
