you guys were way drunker than both of me
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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