you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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