and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
