Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
