the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
