you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
