I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
