Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
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Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
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my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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