Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
