Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
