I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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