Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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