My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
