He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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