nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
