Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
