Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
