I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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