Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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