just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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