I would go down on you faster than GM stock
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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