I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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