Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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