As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
