i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
