next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
