So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
