Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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